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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

today

there are days that my only dream is adventure
of sailing a ship across the globe
of climbing giant mountains and camping under the stars
jumping off of things and into things and out of things
days of roaming and wandering and exploring with a paper map
of one-way plane tickets and train rides and shady, cheap hostels
filling my journal with the stories of strangers


{via}

even adventure at my doorstep:
i would like to feed a giraffe
visit salvation mountain
sleep in a treehouse
find the perfect wildflower field and lay in it for hours



and then there is today
when a book and a blanket and the quiet company of my favorite people
is all i really want

{via}

dear favorite people:
please help me make that dream a reality

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

happy birthday, daddy!

**My dad's birthday is on Thursday, but I'm impatient and wanted to post this today! Why not celebrate all week, right?! Happy Birthday Daddy!**




Everybody thinks that their dad is the best. The strongest, the smartest, the most capable of beating up some other dad. As a bratty 10-year old, I remember saying things like, "Ya, well...my dad will sue your dad!" He joked about “strongly-worded letters” to anybody who messed with his
kiddo girl. That’s what he calls me, even to this day. I guess for a dad, your daughter never really grows up. I moved out, pay my own bills, make my own decisions (mostly) and yet, I’m still his little girl.







It's true, though, that my dad is the best. He's frustratingly intelligent. He knows something about everything. When your dad is Michael J. Kimball, Esq., you learn to articulate and argue well out of necessity. And you still can't out-argue him. But in the meantime, you learn a lot: about the power of words and the importance of knowledge, among many other things. It was my daddy that taught me most of what I know. In Junior High, he'd attempt to explain chemical reactions and concepts of economics to me, things like depreciation and elasticity. Then he'd build a bookshelf or teach me to change the tires on my car, check the air pressure, drive a manual or even tow a boat. When I brag about being able to do those things, I'm actually bragging about my dad, the most versatile person I know, who lovingly took the time to teach and equip me for all kinds of life situations and anything involving an engine.






So yes, I'll brag about my dad. It is his birthday, after all. Sure, he can be embarrassing at times. Maybe a little too protective in line for the ski lift, kind of a crazy driver. We don't see eye-to-eye on everything, and I've come to grips with his humanity; but still, he's my dad and he's the best man I've ever known.


He used to read to me, every night before bed. Silly books like “Feelings” and “Firehorse.” (My book choice alone proves how much he loves me...) He is personally responsible for my “just one more chapter before I go to sleep” habit.

He handled a crazy teenage daughter and crazier teenage son like no other single dad I’ve met. He’d laugh when I dramatically stomped up the stairs and slammed the door, but he’d apologize if he knew that he had hurt me. He’d rub my back when I cried, take me to Target when I needed a new turtleneck, watch North Shore with us for the 142nd time. He never stopped telling us how much he loved us. I never doubted it for a second.

After my brother moved out, it was just the two of us. Every night we would have dinner together: Cafe Tandoor or Taco Bell (he is personally responsible for my Taco Bell obsession). We’d discuss politics and faith and eventually, I started trusting him with boys. He became privy to stories and dreams and jokes about paying for my wedding (which he
still doesn’t find all that funny...). When I moved to San Diego, he became my best friend. I told everybody stories about how cool my dad is and made them watch the slideshow I made for his 50th birthday. I reverted back to elementary school: “my dad is better than your dad.” My dad can fly. My dad can read an entire book in one day. He can fix any computer problem and can count backwards from 100 by 3.




He set the standard high. By loving my brother and I the way that he does, he’s set the standard high.




They say you’ll end up with someone like your dad. I probably won’t marry a conservative and I wouldn’t be surprised if my husband doesn’t know how to construct a cheese cave.

But you can hold me to this:

He will be strong and fearless

he will love unconditionally

he will read to me before bed and rub my back when I cry

he will encourage me to follow my dreams

he will remind me to see the big picture

he will make difficult decisions for the sake of his family

he will shamelessly listen to tacky music (Really, dad?! Liz Phair?!)

he will make me proud to bear his last name.


Happy Birthday to the Best Daddy There Ever Was!



Wednesday, May 11, 2011

when God made me (a lesson on patience)

when God made me
He shaped the cartilage in my kneecaps
and grew my fingers long enough to span entire octaves
He chose the specks in my eyes from an infinite color palette
He decided that I would prefer wildflowers
and told my hair how to respond to humidity

when He wrote my story
He captured every circumstance
every intention
every gaze
every sentence
every breath

when God made the animals
one by one by one
He perfected the shade of their fur
and the pace of their step
and in the trees
He put His breath and life

He watched it all begin to dance

a million years it could have taken Him
a million years of delicate workmanship
a million years of patience

patience/pay-shence:
the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset

I know so little of patience
less, even, of focusing our patience on Him
my heart is too busy focusing on my delays
my troubles, my suffering
every thing standing in the way of reaching the desires of my heart
even the desires of His heart


I rush them
maneuvering and manipulating
craving instant gratification and immediate answers
I turn away from the journey
I am no gardener, lovingly watching crops grow
I'm hardly an artist, aware of every detail of every project

I know so little of waiting for His timing
trusting in His good and right will
standing there, for as long as it takes
for eternal hopes to become present reality


even still, there is grace in every humbling lesson


[the Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him and seek Him]
--lamentations 3:25

Monday, May 9, 2011

mondays in the kitchen: chipotle-kissed black bean soup




it's been a long while since i shared any of my kitchen-escapades. to be perfectly honest, i'm not much of a chef. i do, however, love a good meal, especially when i get to share it with some lovely ladies. tonight, i cooked, and tonight, i share!

this recipe happens to be my first and favorite meat-free recipe!
(i've made minor adjustments over the last two years to make it my own)

chipotle-kissed black bean soup

ingredients:
(i'm not one for measurements anymore...follow your tummy on this one!)

olive oil
sliced baby carrots
chopped onions
garlic, minced
LOTS OF black beans (3-4 cans)
diced tomatoes
vegetable broth
potatoes, cut into small cubes
sliced zucchini
other vegetables of your choice
1-2 chipotle chiles in adobo sauce (for flavor)

1. heat olive oil in a large pan. add carrots, onions, garlic, potatoes, zucchini, etc. cover and cook until softened. transfer to a large pot.

2. over medium heat, add black beans, vegetable broth, and tomatoes. lastly, add chipotle chiles for flavor (warning: these are SPICY!)

3. eat and enjoy :)






Wednesday, April 27, 2011

summer reading, starting NOW!

after a week like this one, i am ready for saturday
saturday, i'm hoping, will be a peak into my summer days
sunny skies and a blanket in the sun
and a start to my summer reading list

my ever-growing list begins now:

1. The Pursuit of God//A.W. Tozer
2. Tree of Codes//Jonathan Safran Foer
3. The Cost of Discipleship//Dietrich Bonhoeffer
4. Tattoos On The Heart//Father Greg Boyle
5. Water for Elephants//Sara Gruen
6. From Harvey River//Lorna Goodison
7. The Book of Night Women//Marlon James
8. The Other Side of Paradise//Staceyann Chin
9. I Am An Emotional Creature//Eve Ensler
10. If I Could Write This in Fire//Michelle Cliff
11. The Time History of Paradise//Margaret Cezair-Thompson
...


"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
--CS Lewis

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

eternity in our hearts


he has made everything beautiful in its time. he has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
ecclesiastes 3:11


i had eternity in my heart before i had any idea what that meant
it was always easy to hope for
in my mind, it was renewal and restoration and the Lord's beautiful and intentional shaping of lives and hearts
in reality, it wasn't always easy to see and much less easy to grasp


sometimes all you get is a glimpse...
in a conversation
or Easter dinner with your family
or a story of tangible hope

[then you wait]


c.s. lewis calls them "stabs of joy" and that never quite left me
(lord knows i love that man...)
"stabs of joy:" the momentary satisfaction of an eternal heart-longing; glimpses into a sacred plan; opportunities to see even just a fleeting image of what should and will be
they're beautiful moments, really
reminding us of His heart and His hopes for us, if only we'd hope in Him


we get glimpses and wait for His perfect timing
(honestly, though? His timing, in our impatience or our hesitation or in light of our own hopes and plans, feels more painful than perfect)
but He has been dreaming from the beginning and letting us in on His vision
if we'd just have the courage to let Him dream it over us
imagine it for us and with us
then, walk in it confidently


sometimes, my confidence is shaky
yesterday, in a moment of doubt mixed with fear, i turned to my mentor and said:
"but i can't imagine anything better than this"
read: i'm not sure if that there could be anything else in store for me
her response was perfect (per usual) and much more eloquent and insightful than my paraphrased version:
"you don't need to. He is imagining it for you. this place where you are now is just a glimpse of what is to come."


all i have now is a glimpse

but i can expect good things, eternal things
things that satisfy the heart of God
made beautiful in His time


Thursday, April 14, 2011

se la tout espwa: there is hope

i was in jamaica when the earthquake hit haiti. we crowded around a tiny tv set to watch the news stories unfold. images appeared and numbers rose; it felt so surreal. jamaica and haiti are almost sisters. histories of colonization, weather patterns, lush green land disrupted by poverty. i felt like i'd been there. like i knew their stories. i could've loved them the same; i could've felt the earth shake, too.

i'm sure i cried.
i'm sure i felt helpless
privileged
paralyzed.
i always do.

until i processed and sorted and stored away that trip, and haiti along with it.
beyond occasional reminders or heart tugs or books on the topic (i recommend following jesus through the eye of the needle and mountains beyond mountains), i'm not sure that haiti was much on my mind during the last fourteen months. it was replaced, i'm sure, with other worthy causes.

it is now april 14 and haiti is back with immediacy.
my church is raising $100,000 for a project with eternal significance, that aligns with God's heart for the widow and the orphan, the poor and the vulnerable. we have three more days.
so here we are, approaching easter, in the midst of haiti fundraiser after haiti fundraiser, in the midst of planning my own. i'm running through hypotheticals and making checklists: tables, signs, soundboards, lights, videos, cupcakes.
i've never done anything like this before.

out of everything, what stands out to me most:
you can learn a lot about the heart of God by planning a concert.

seriously.

try planning a last-minute benefit concert with very-talented-but-relatively-unknown-artists for a crisis that you can never really understand and you'll learn a lesson or two in
prayer
provision
thankfulness
empathy
community
dependence
purpose.


if you're lucky, you'll see His bigger story being told.
i guess i got lucky...





se la tout espwa pou Ayiti: there is hope for haiti
se la tout espwa pou imanite: there is hope for humanity

we are a part of it. we are hands and feet to His work of redemption and restoration
He is using His gifts in us and His passions in us
He is using our small voices to sing the song of His love for Haiti

we are joining in His resurrection story
Haiti, Branches, Nicole Vaughn, Claire de Lune, missiongathering, Flood, Children of the Nations, friends and strangers:
we are joining in His resurrection story, singing His resurrection song

in that, se la tout espwa: there is hope

*If you're available, we'd love for you to join!

Friday, April 1, 2011

your laughter

take bread way from me, if you wish
take air away
but do not take from me your laughter


do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave of silver born in you

my struggle is harsh and i come back with eyes tired
at times from having seen the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me and
it opens for me all the doors of life


my love
in the darkest hour your laughter opens
and if suddenly you see my blood
staining the stones of the street,
laugh
because your laughter will be for my hands like a fresh sword,
next to the sea in the autumn
your laughter must raise its foamy cascade
and in the spring, love,
i want your laughter like the flower i was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose of my echoing country


laugh at the night
at the day
at the moon
laugh at the twisted streets of the island
laugh at this clumsy [girl] who loves you,
but when i open my eyes and close them,
when my steps go, when my steps return
deny me bread
air
light
spring

but never your laughter
for i would die



{via}




your laughter
[pablo neruda]