how do you know if you're being too picky?
or if you're about to settle?

and also, i'm pretty sure that john mayer used a time machine to fast-forward to today, climb inside my brain and write his new album.

listen to: "half of my heart" and "friends, lovers or nothing"

home

i'm so happy to be here
after so so long
the lights are off
and everybody is asleep

but i just danced in the kitchen :)

on why i can't wait to graduate.

i'm finding it difficult to feign interest in the words that you scribble on the whiteboard as i force myself to copy your words exactly into my notebook (that i have chosen to fill with doodle after doodle--complex representations of what i wish i were doing instead)

i am a perpetual student with a mind longing for knowledge but i do not fit inside your classroom or your A B C D view of my potential

so give me an A or fail me
i'm learning more than you'll ever know
i have dreams to learn more than you'll ever know
i will let the world be my classroom
i will wander through streets and collect wisdom from the stories they tell and the life that they offer

i will chose my own textbooks and write my own philosophy and challenge structures of oppression with my life, not just my pen

i have outgrown this silly system of quizzes and midterms and finals to test what i know
or what you want me to know
call me a vagabond
i will take it and run

i want to pack everything into boxes, sell half of it, and store the rest away for safekeeping
to leave san diego and california and the united states and become a settler in a new land
long, dark hair and skinny arms
i want to stockpile headbands and a v-neck for every day of the week

i want to sleep in a tent and wake up with the sun
to escape the trappings of materialism
to find comfort in my discomfort and peace in my unrest
i want to fall in love and feel beautiful when i laugh

i want people to stop over-compensating out of their own guilt and i want to tell you how i really feel
i want to sit at my piano and play for my ears only
to find the perfect-fit jeans and wear them until the threads unravel
i want Aslan, and i want to be like lucy

how about you?

i keep having to stop myself from posting things that sound more like complaining than anything else. i'm being whiney today and i need to knock it off.

i keep hoping to run into the perfect person for the perfect hug amidst my exhaustion and stress. it's like playing where's waldo, and i'm losing.

i really just want to snuggle.
and journal.
and sleep.

p.s. i feel nervous to actually post anything because i have 18 followers and i don't want to let anybody down. yikes. 18 is a lot of pressure. also, i've been daily running out of time and am anxiously waiting for thursday, when i can sleep and write and dream again. :)