dreams, be dreams

Blog Challenge #2: A List of Your Hopes and Dreams

I'm running slightly behind on this whole "blog challenge" thing. I hope you'll forgive me because, as we all know, you just can't rush a dream (or even a whole list of them).

Here it is. A non-exhaustive list of the longings of my heart at any given moment. Some have been with me a lifetime, some are just making themselves at home. I have dreams for other people and dreams about justice and dreams on a global scale, but this? This list is mine. My hopes for me, for the woman I am becoming, the story I hope to tell with my life.

May these dreams be so much more than dreams.



**Don't forget to check out my challenger's lists here and here.

at the dawn//walter brueggemann

Our first glimpse of reality this day--everyday--is your fidelity.
We are dazzled by the ways you remain constant among us,
                          in season, out of season,
                          for better, for worse,
                          in sickness and in health.
You are there in watchfulness as we fall asleep;
You are there in alertness when we awaken...and we are glad.
             Before the day ends, we will have occasion
                          to flag your absence in indifference...
                          but not now, not at the dawn.
             Before the day ends, we will think more than once
                          that we need a better deal from you...
                          but not now, not at the dawn.
             Before the day ends, we will look away from you and
                          relish our own fidelity and our virtue in mercy...
                          but not now, not at the dawn.
Now, at the dawn, our eyes are fixed on you in gladness.
             We ask only that your faithfulness
                          permeate every troubled place we are able to name,
                          that your mercy
                          move against the hurts to make new,
                          that your steadfastness
                          hold firmly what is too fragile on its own.
And we begin the day in joy, in hope, and in deep gladness. Amen.

more perfect weekends, please

I went to work this morning still feeling the joy, and the jetlag, of the rush of forty-eight hours. It was the perfect weekend, in so many ways. These weekends are rare; I guess that's what makes them so special when they come. It was a completely out-of-the-ordinary set of days, half a world away, in the kind of place that I dream about when I close my eyes and let only my heart speak. Brick buildings and horse pastures and summer thunder storms with liquid sunshine. We honored a love story and danced in the rain; I ate pancakes bigger than my head and slept in fluffy white sheets at a fancy-shmancy hotel where shoes are always required. I took it all in. It was the most beautiful sight you ever did see.

travel socks

a dream

high school weddings

Now, I'm searching for more perfect weekends. Saving for red-eye flights across the country, stealing moments with the dreams that California can't offer. 

On my list: 

Chicago, Boston (kicking myself for canceling last year's weekend get-away), Nashville, New Orleans, Charleston, and more.

america the beautiful

[junior high diary] why justin jones is great

**Disclaimer: 

Dear Justin Jones, If you are reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I hope you are flattered, not scared. Really, this was 11.5 years ago. Please know that I've moved on. Or have I? Love always, Kara

"I still like Justin, he's so cute!!!! He's also very smart. He got on Gold Honor Roll, just like me. I have an open book test in Social Studies tomorrow. I didn't study. I also have a science test on Wednesday. I hope I do good. Yesterday I went to Nicoles house and worked on a science project. In art I am drawing a puppy. He is so cute! On Saturday, I am going snowboarding for the first time! I'm so excited! I hope I don't hurt myself or fall (to many times). I skipped my piano lesson today because I hadn't practiced at all. Justin Jones is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the group corn (I know thats not how you spell it) and I love Blink 182. I want the C.D.!"

My junior high diary epitomized life as an 11 year old girl and affirmed every stereotype you can think of. Nearly every single entry follows an easy-to-use format.

1.  Begin with important updates: Don't worry, world: Justin is still cute.
2. Clarify to avoid confusion; add self-affirmations if necessary: I'm not only interested in his good looks. He's smart. As smart as me, and we all know how smart I am. Things could definitely work with him. Plus, the presence of Mr. Popular on the Gold Honor Roll lends credibility to my 4.0 GPA.
3. Discuss highlights (and concerns) of next few days: My brother always told me that I had book smarts, not street smarts. It was important for me to maintain this reputation. If I was going to stay on the Gold Honor Roll, I needed to excel in everything, from Social Studies to Science (twice), to art. Somehow, snowboarding got thrown in, too. And piano lessons.
4. Use incorrect grammar, change pens frequently, practice penmanship: Forget apostrophes or the proper uses of "good" and well." English wasn't my thing. I was a science girl (yes, I competed annually in the science fair. See below.) Handwriting didn't much matter, either (though, I must admit, I thought mine was the best.) Pen changes indicate an editing process. Typically, I would read my wise words at a later date and realize that my writing was incomplete, which, conveniently, allowed me to give myself grace.
• Ex: I had an open book test in Social Studies. The addition of "I didn't study" indicates that I probably didn't "do good," but it's okay, because I've given myself an excuse. 
5. Follow up on important points. Use exclamation points for emphasis: "Justin Jones is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It was worth noting again.
6.  Disclose dorky information about self: This entire journal entry speaks for itself.
7. Leave the audience with something thought provoking. Make a statement: If there was one thing that I hated in junior high, it was the band Korn. Mostly they scared me. I protested their music in the only way I knew how: misspelling their name (a powerful and effective tool). But, to end on a good note, I loved Blink 182. The evidence? My first screen name: wtpoohntiggertoo182 (Yes, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too, 182).
8. Use pencil as a protective measure: I had this habit of writing about the boys I liked in pencil. Just in case somebody gained entry into my house, found my journal in its hiding space and broke open the lock, I needed to be ready, at any moment, to erase the evidence of my crushes. Despite being completely illogical, pencil gave me that security.

In summary:

Number of Exclamations Used: 31

Number of Exclamations Used in Reference to Justin Jones: 28

Science Fair, 2000. 

Important Updates (A Preview of the Next Entry): "Justin Jones is so cute! and smart and nice. I love frozen waffles! They are so good."

anam cara, my soul friend

I told myself that tonight was reserved for one episode of Arrested Development, writing one little letter, and sleeping early to get myself back to being rested and happy. But then I got to thinkin' about souls and friends and this crazy little concept of anam cara, a soul friend.

"In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship...the old Gaelic term for this is anam cara. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul and cara is the word for friend: "soul friend." With the anam cara you could share your inner-most self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging, a joining in an ancient and eternal way with the "friend of your soul." In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of social acquaintance fall away, you can be as you really are. The anam cara is God's gift."

Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom//John O'Donohue

[Before continuing, I feel the need to share my joy that cara is pronounced Kara, which, yes, is my name. How sweet is that??]

The theory says that everybody has an anam cara, but not everybody knows it. My thought is that, regardless of haves or have nots, everybody needs a friend to their soul.

We throw around the term soulmate too easily--this is more than that. It's more, even, than a best friend. This is more than a list of things in common or shared music taste and it goes far beyond girl talk. This is a person who knows you at the deepest levels, who challenges you, disagrees with you, forces you to see a new and better perspective. She can debate you in politics or talk theology for hours. She can predict what you'll say, how you'll respond and she knows the meaning behind every facial expression. She knows the challenges you face, your moments of selfishness, your short-sightedness. She knows the fears that keep you from action, the things that keep you from loving freely. She can sense your anxiety and she can speak truth into it, only because she is trusted with your story. And she knows more stories than most: she knows the responsibility of holding your joys and your heartaches. She prays with you and for you; there is a humility, a deep gratitude and a mutuality to this relationship.
You attempt the same for her.

And there is so much laughter. So many moments that would be embarrassing if there was a fly on the wall. So much quirkiness, so much ridiculousness. So many sleepovers. This friend, this anam cara, is a treasure.

I am so lucky to have found mine.





I'm reminded on nights like tonight...
after detailed accounts of our days and descriptions of every person and place
after encouraging text messages and calming phone conversations
after reminiscing through pictures and talking in circles about the fears in my heart
after sharing wisdom and reflecting on the parallels of our lives
after cursing the 1,615 miles between San Diego and Omaha
...what a gift it is to have a soul friend.

A soul friend and an internet connection. I'm forever grateful.

*I'm no expert on this whole soul friend thing, but I'm reserving the right to add one more soul friend into my life at some point. Not just anybody--he'll have to come with a ring and some pretty serious vows. I'll choose wisely.

today

there are days that my only dream is adventure
of sailing a ship across the globe
of climbing giant mountains and camping under the stars
jumping off of things and into things and out of things
days of roaming and wandering and exploring with a paper map
of one-way plane tickets and train rides and shady, cheap hostels
filling my journal with the stories of strangers


{via}

even adventure at my doorstep:
i would like to feed a giraffe
visit salvation mountain
sleep in a treehouse
find the perfect wildflower field and lay in it for hours



and then there is today
when a book and a blanket and the quiet company of my favorite people
is all i really want

{via}

dear favorite people:
please help me make that dream a reality

summer reading, starting NOW!

after a week like this one, i am ready for saturday
saturday, i'm hoping, will be a peak into my summer days
sunny skies and a blanket in the sun
and a start to my summer reading list

my ever-growing list begins now:

1. The Pursuit of God//A.W. Tozer
2. Tree of Codes//Jonathan Safran Foer
3. The Cost of Discipleship//Dietrich Bonhoeffer
4. Tattoos On The Heart//Father Greg Boyle
5. Water for Elephants//Sara Gruen
6. From Harvey River//Lorna Goodison
7. The Book of Night Women//Marlon James
8. The Other Side of Paradise//Staceyann Chin
9. I Am An Emotional Creature//Eve Ensler
10. If I Could Write This in Fire//Michelle Cliff
11. The Time History of Paradise//Margaret Cezair-Thompson
...

[via]

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."

--CS Lewis

your laughter

take bread way from me, if you wish

take air away

but do not take from me your laughter

do not take away the rose,

the lance flower that you pluck,

the water that suddenly bursts forth in joy,

the sudden wave of silver born in you

my struggle is harsh and i come back with eyes tired

at times from having seen the unchanging earth,

but when your laughter enters

it rises to the sky seeking me and

it opens for me all the doors of life

my love

in the darkest hour your laughter opens

and if suddenly you see my blood

staining the stones of the street,

laugh

because your laughter will be for my hands like a fresh sword,

next to the sea in the autumn

your laughter must raise its foamy cascade

and in the spring, love,

i want your laughter like the flower i was waiting for,

the blue flower, the rose of my echoing country

laugh at the night

at the day

at the moon

laugh at the twisted streets of the island

laugh at this clumsy [girl] who loves you,

but when i open my eyes and close them,

when my steps go, when my steps return

deny me bread

air

light

spring

but never your laughter

for i would die

{via}

{via}

your laughter

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