if i could rule the world...

every sneeze would be followed by a genuine bless you

every person would call me Kara Lee

every hour would stretch into days

every baby would have a home

san diego and san francisco would be next door neighbors

my bed would hang from trees

annddddd....

...we'd eat pancakes every day!!

get out of the way

it feels like an eternity since i last wrote anything

my world has inadvertently become about packing boxes and decorating shelves and trips to the doggie doctor

so i haven't had much time to write the hopes of my heart (they are many this time of year) and the observations of time spent people-learning (the sociologist in me)

have you danced recently?

i have

little known fact: every tuesday i strap on practice shoes and learn to dance the tango

tango is all rhythm and invitation

it's a wonderful thing to be a woman on the dance floor

yielding to the volcada or the pasada

trusting your partner and following the movement

as it leads you across crowded floors and between far-more-technical couples

risking stepped-on-toes and dizzy heads for the chance to gancho or boleo

when done correctly,

it is perfect equality and unexplainable beauty

but only if you yield

yield or get out of the way

--------------------------------------

this i know for certain:

there is a big picture that we squint to see

it's far away; we can hardly hear the rhythm of its rumbling

it is coming

while we are trying to understand, trying to save ourselves, to be our own shalom

and too often running from the call to live in meekness

(meek: desiring and submitting to the will of God)

we stand in our own way

in our hearts we harbor fear and insecurity and a quest for comfort that fuels selfishness

our desires first

our wants, our needs, our opinions

we cannot, will not, do not yield

even to His perfect intentions

His perfect movement

His perfect invitation.

But there is a dance

and an invitation to join

to yield to Him, to live outside of ourselves

we are members of one another

called to seek unity and ask for justice

to live a life worthy of the calling we have received

despite the sacrifices it requires:

our discomfort, our worldly insignificance

our open-handedness

and sometimes, we just need to get out of the way so that He can move.

------------------

in other news: it's raining and Clive is sleeping with his head on my calf. this couldn't be more perfect unless i had pancakes in front of me :)

how a dog made sense of the candle of hope

I said "yes" to Clive because of his eyes. There was life in them beyond the scars of abandonment and neglect. They asked me to promise love; to promise food and care and the possibility of hope.

I look at his sweet face and I'm reminded of a truth that goes beyond dogs. We've entered into a narrative of hardened independence, hopelessness and striving self-sufficiency. We wonder if we'll always fight for our heart's survival, if we'll always feel the sting of our separation, if we'll be forced into darkness with frail bones.

We wonder and pray that the light {read:love} we've somehow stumbled into will last.

And we join a biblical narrative of hope and exodus.

---------------------------------------------------

It somehow seems appropriate that it is the season of Advent; it's appropriate that we stood together in church last night to light the candle of hopeful anticipation. It's appropriate that I'm reflecting on the hope in Clive's eyes and celebrating the hope in my heart for Jesus--our Shalom.

He is coming and has come and we are rescued.

So we pray: Loving God, we thank You for the hope You give us. Draw out of us the darkness of the world and fill us with the light of Your hope. Help us to prepare our hearts for Jesus: our perfect love, perfect peace, perfect grace that casts out all fear and calls us to worshipful lives. May it be so.

Meet Clive

Once upon a time, a girl and her brother drove to Arizona for Thanksgiving.

At an old gas station in Yuma, a sweet (and hungry, dirty and injured) doggie approached them.

They looked at each other and decided that this doggie needed a new home.

And this is where the story of Clive Kimball begins.

He's (hopefully) happy, on his way back to health, and currently cuddled in bed with me.

[Clive's namesake is Mr. Clive Staples Lewis, whose faith and writing has given me a glimpse of Love]

(in)adequate

We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words -- to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into our selves, to bathe in it, to become part of it.

--CS Lewis

these days

is it really already Halloween?!?

holy cow.

my life these days revolves around planning events and playing with kids and using pumpkins and scarecrows as my creative outlet...take a peek :)

happy halloween

from the linda vista fall festival and the not-so-blue-door!!!

(and now, back to a shred of normalcy...maybe?)

running toward love

it's a common misconception that i run from love.

understandably so: you may have heard the story about the last guy that i tried to date. with the "maybe don't text me as often"s and the "you can't tell me what you like about me cause then i'll fall for you"s and even the "just so you know, this probably won't work out"s, twice a week. i could've handled that with much more grace. you could've heard about awkward email guy or the man on the airplane. and you might have read the post about the guy who i stupidly walked away from, sans introduction or the soulmate that my roommate chased because i wasn't quite brave enough. i get it. my track record with dating (or attempting to date) is less than stellar. i'm working on it, promise.

but what a strange, strange thing that we equate dating alone with my capacity to love, my bravery, my ability to be open with my own heart. there is far more to love than being in a relationship. i haven't found my personal mr. dreamboat yet. to be perfectly honest, i'm not really looking. i'll stumble upon him when the time is right for stumbling.

the love that i give at this point in my twenty-two years is not reserved for one man in the bounds of a facebook relationship status or a series of semi-awkward coffee dates or eventually a ring on my finger, but i do not run from love. promise.

i've got love to give. for now, i'm stumbling upon all kinds of people in the world who need a little loving. myself included. open your eyes and you'll see them, too. if you stick with me long enough, you'll see me running toward them, with all the love i can possibly give. promise, promise.

i saw what i saw

your pain has changed me

your dream inspires

your face a memory

your hope a fire

your courage asks me

what I'm afraid of

and what I know of love

i saw what i saw//sara groves

"You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much..."

--Good Will Hunting

and that is a beautiful challenge to pursue. so what do you say?? let's do it.

dear mr. poetry-and-curls,

it was stupid of me to walk away without introducing myself. even after our conversation about writing and poetry. even after our intense eye contact and that cute little smirk. even after you ordered the only vegetarian sandwich on the menu, the same one that i ordered 27 seconds before. and i didn't mean to invade your space, but if you didn't want to talk to me, you probably shouldn't have left your book in front of me to browse through.

i should have said, "hi, my name is kara. i noticed that you're buying a bundle of bananas with your dinner. i sometimes do that, too. i noticed your book--i'd love to sit and read it with you for hours. i have a feeling we should eat our animal-friendly dinners together."

or, you know, none of that. instead of rushing back to work, i should have said a simple hello, with a simple handshake and a simple smile. so mr. poetry, what would you think of a second chance? same time next week? i'll be the one ordering the mediterranean. i'll look for you and your bananas.

love always,

kara

p.s. i'm so glad that you're not mr. brazillian-promise-me-a-kiss...

Have you heard of StrengthsFinder?

It's this creepily-accurate test to tell you...just guess...your strengths! (Did you see that coming?) I've taken the test twice now, because as I've grown and experienced new things, it's impossible to be unchanged. Except, not too impossible. Some of my strengths have stayed the same. I took it the first time as a sophomore in college (which was...4 years ago. Yikes.) to find that my strengths were Responsibility, Empathy, Developer, Futuristic and Positivity.

This time around, I've got Connectedness, Developer, Input, Empathy and Belief and I'm a little freaked out that Mr. Tom Rath can know so much about me from 34 simple questions.

Connectedness: "You gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it...Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives.

Developer: "You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view, no individual is fully formed...each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason...You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow..."

Input: "You are inquisitive. You collect things--words, facts, books, and quotations. Yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity...You keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It's interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable."

Empathy: "You can sense the emotions of those around you. You canfeel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need...You help them give voice to their emotional life."

Belief: "[Your belief] gives your life meaning and satisfaction...It provides you with direction, guiding you through the temptations and distractions of life toward a consistent set of priorities....Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you..."

What do you think?? Did they name my strengths?

Have you taken it? What are your strengths??

Interested? Check it out.

blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

(note: this post will be a bit of a downer...read on if you'd like)

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." --Anais Nim

----------------

I grew up at 3024 Cabrillo Avenue, then 221 Oakham Court. My walls were painted pink and purple and I played make believe on the hammock outside my window. We had birthday parties and scavenger hunts and sleepovers and things were simply beautiful. It was before I noticed skeletons creep in to steal life, before insatiable addictions took their grip, before my eyes watched a human life shatter and crumble and dissolve.

There was brokenness, then separateness.

Then attempts at reconciliation.

I called long distance to offer a paradoxical love--it was the absolute most that my heart could give to a good but painfully broken man who (despite divorce and death) will always be family, but it was never never enough. It was stabs of joy, moments of hope, maybe, but I am only human. He was only human, too. It pained me to listen to lonely words, to hear bitter resentment on his lips and to understand the fear of death in his voice. His body slipped slowly beyond restoration, one organ at a time and I held desperately to the hope that there is no such thing as a body too broken for healing.

I can't imagine that it was the life he dreamed for himself. There were years of relational conflict, hospital visits and operations and a loosening grip on health, community and love, and then that was it. I made a choice: That is not the life that I choose to remember of him. I am choosing to remember double-butt man and dancing in the living room; that stupid ugly work van that picked me up from daycare, endless M&Ms; getting my toes cracked before bed, and a hundred other things worth remembering. I am choosing to forget the rest.

There simply wasn't enough love or compassion or grace to hold him here. But blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven; and oh, what a beautiful Kingdom it is--where there is enough love and compassion and grace to satisfy a tired soul for all of eternity, and it is where he rests. I'm absolutely sure of it.

rent this. seriously, do it.

"i want to gratefully acknowledge the powerful voice of women from all walks of life"

head versus heart, part 1

tomorrow is october 9

any of my avid blog followers (mom...kendra...taylor...and i love you for it!) know that my 72 day count-down officially ends in 23.5 hours

except that the countdown has become rather anti-climactic

given that my plans change like my underwear (DAILY!)

to quote a death cab song:

i'm a war of head versus heart

my usually-timid-afraid-of-mistakes heart tends to whisper

my overly-rational-self-limiting-far-too-logical head tends to shout

what was 72 days devoted to rigid schedules and practice tests and lsat books piled high turned into quiet-enough-days to hear little secrets in the wind, echoes of a greater Voice:

make joyful decisions

you are not behind

make joyful decisions

you are not behind

make joyful decisions

you are not behind

i like that.

so, even in the noise of the last 72 days (did i mention the weddings? three jobs? the wardrobe currently living on my floor and in my bed and everywhere but my dresser...)

the whisper won and to my very pleasant surprise,

it wasn't a whisper anymore.

tonight, instead of frantically cramming logic games and reading comprehension

i'm wrapped up in a blanket

drinking chocolate milk

filling out applications

joyfully celebrating the decisions i've made with my heart, not my head

chocolate milk makes for the perfect evening

maybe someday, if we keep this relationship of ours up, i'll even let you in on what these heart-led decisions are :)

now, if you would be so kind as to riddle me this:

where is your heart leading??

"fill your life with as many moments and experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can"

Marcia Wieder

A friend once gave me one little piece of advice and it made all the difference in the world:

Make joyful decisions.

(Thank you Cara McMahon)

dear soulmate

I met my most recent and intense crush last night.

[I use the word "met" liberally--what I mean is that I saw him, oogled over him, freaked out about him, and acknowledged him as my soul mate all in the span of 6 minutes.]

I noticed his dancing first. Flailing arms and hip-hopping and moves so extreme he ended up on the floor. Literally (though that might have had to do a bit more with slipping in a puddle of water spilled on the floor..?). After a barrage of foreigners (one who offered a romantic vacation for two to his home in Brazil; one who didn't understand the concept of "no;" one who hit on me to get to my "friend in the dress..."), he was a welcome (and perfectly silly) relief.

Did I mention his skin? Olive. Perfectly olive. And I'm pretty sure I heard him whisper "te amo" as he walked past me (a girl can dream, right??)...[Speaking of dreams...I have dreams of a multi-racial and bilingual family...this seems like a good place to start.] Oh, and glasses with a v-neck shirt. Seriously?!

And you should know that it is my life goal to be more brave.

So I had the option of walking away, saying something to him, or sending Kendra in my place. (I am blessed to have a roommate much more brave than I...)

Her: (chasing after him, poking him on the back) Hi. Umm...I'm so sorry if this is totally awkward, but my friend thinks you're really cute and...

Him: (laughing, excited) Really?! Okay...well...what do we do now??

His Friends: GET HER NUMBER!

Him: Oh, but sadly I'm not single...

Her: Okay...I'm sorry...I just had to ask. You know, just in case you were soul mates...

Friends: (sighing) Awww...soul mates...

(Kendra walks away)

And that was my baby-step towards bravery.

I live with the hope that enough baby-steps will lead me straight to the man who will one day, some day, be my husband; the man who will one day, some day, receive a decade worth of letters tied together with yarn (his will be the only other set of eyes to have ever read those words); the man who will one day, some day, know all the plans and dreams and heartbeats that led this little lady to him, full of love.

Today, a letter to that man:

I promise to be brave and love you forever.

sometimes, someone else's brain says the things that your brain wants to say, only with infinitely more eloquence

i'm questioning whether this wily brunette stole my journal and copied it onto her blog...

"So my dearest, darling-est, dreamiest husband-to-be, know this...
don't take me to the opera. or the rainbow room. don't make it a carriage ride through central park or a weekend getaway. i'm not even sure i need you to get on one knee. but do it on the door step. on the front stoop. sitting next to me. on the same level. turn to me and ask me to be your best friend, your lover, your absolute equal. so that then we can go inside and begin our life together, as we've always known we should.

That being said, you sure as hell better ask my father first. I believe in chivalry."

cardboard love

i love the idea of daily "grand" gestures and simple romance

and i'm glad that words can be so few and speak so much

i'm glad that boys exist who speak their minds

and share their hearts

i'm glad that some guys are unafraid of vulnerability

of admitting their fragility and their need for gentleness

and who affirm and appreciate and adore and value what they have

i like the idea of guys who are charmingly honest

and who believe in the possibility of an epic love story

because i believe in the possibility of an epic love story, too

cardboard love

we would've stayed home

i wonder if our parents knew who they were training us to love or what they were getting themselves into when they rounded us up for Sunday school and took us to church for lessons in morality and a weekly affirmation of God's blessing on our comfortable lives

i wonder if we would've stayed home had our parents known that one day, the Jesus we would love could be seen less in white middle-class churches and more in urban poverty, and that we would probably follow him there

i wonder if we would have continued to pray to Jesus if they knew that one day, this same man would be the reason that their sons and daughters would forsake an abundance of stuff, reevaluate priorities and bank accounts and reject it all to love orphans and care for special needs children and experience true fellowship with the body of Christ. i wonder what they would say to a pregnant girl and a blue collar boy claiming that this was the Messiah. they would turn around and walk away because it doesn't fit. it doesn't fit with goals of privilege, prestige and pleasure at our fingertips. it's a different kingdom altogether.

we would have stayed home if my parents had known that this jesus would change the direction of my dreams, make me rethink masters programs, citizenship and positions of power so that i can take home a big paycheck to buy a boat and a house and talk conservative politics all day long. those aren't my dreams anymore: somehow morality lessons evolved into thousands of miles in the air to fly to a place where we saw Jesus with the young man who was arrested on the streets and with the homeless and with the prostitute, and we realized that we want to experience that kind of closeness with jesus, too. then we learned solidarity, and solidarity asked that we reevaluate it all. jolene in jamaica and muhammed in the west bank and my cousin in the otay mesa detention facility and jesus himself asked that we reevaluate, for the sake of his gospel...to know him and love him and serve him well.

i'm sure we would've stayed home, but we didn't. so now here we are...

i believe

i believe in broken things made beautiful

i believe in re-identification, re-interpretation, re-demption, re-surrection

i believe in second chances and shifting narratives

chords bound tightly and iron sharpening iron

i believe in slow progressions

i believe that death does not have the final say

that the final say belongs to life and love and peace and joy

yes, i believe

decisions, decisions

here i am again, making plans. (yes, it's 5am. yes, it's still dark outside. don't pretend you're not awake doing the same...) i've gone over my checklist for what feels like the thousandth time--contacts and addresses and deadlines for plans A, B, C. before you go on thinking that i'm just a control freak (which i am), let me just say that plans A, B, and C have nothing to do with my fear of being plan-less and everything to do with my

ridiculous, consistent, ever-present inability to make a decision.

for example:

last weekend, i made my server choose which beer i would be drinking with my pizza

(in my defense, my knowledge of "good beer" is incredibly limited)

(unfortunately, she chose wrong)

last night, i made my server decide between veggie spring rolls or a veggie tempura sushi roll

(in my defense, i had sushi for the first time six months ago...i'm still learning)

(fortunately, her opinion was awesome)

if i can't even decide on basic food and drink, i'm sure you can understand how dating (choosing someone to share your entire life with!) would be difficult and how choosing the direction of that entire life would be close to impossible. (but i mean, really, why can't they just combine three graduate programs and charge me 1/3 of the price?!)

currently: looking for grace in my decision-making process...

in christ alone

"In Jesus Christ we see virtues combined that never anywhere else are combined. We see tenderness without weakness, strength without a milligram of harshness, humility without an ounce of uncertainty; you see unbending convictions and yet complete and utter approachability, you see power without the slightest insensitivity. You see passion without the slightest prejudice. You see total integrity without any rigidity. Never unthinking, never a false word, never a misstep. What is that? Absolute beauty."

--John Gerstner

"you could really mess it up...

...or you could have the one thing you've wanted since you were fifteen..."

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

COME ON!!!

He who named me

i think often of the ways that a name can be spoken, how it can roll off lips with such sweetness, or (to steal from a branches song), it can be breathed like a love song. how a name can hold so much affection, how when you say my name, kara lee, i feel known. and that feels good.

my name always felt weird though, like it got stuck in your mouth and came out jumbled, harsh, too boxy. i was afraid that i would be jumbled, harsh, boxy too. i thought about it often--how i hated it because it didn't feel feminine or meaningful, how i was frustrated with every mispronunciation, how i planned to change it as soon as i turned eighteen.

i'm glad that i didn't.

because what a cool thing that we have names; names that we take for granted, names that identify us and place us in our families and in our context and anchor us to our humanity, names that make us unique and set us apart, names that make us distinct from our 5,999,999,999 neighbors

and isn't that exactly what we want?

to be called by name, defined, affirmed and find meaning

in our identity

in our relationships

in our faith

in our purpose

by Someone who knows exactly what we need

kara (kah-ra): beloved friend

"...if the gospel of Jesus is just some formula I obey in order to get taken off the naughty list and put on a nice list, then it doesn't meet the deep need of the human condition, it doesn't interact with the great desire of my soul, and it has nothing to do with the hidden (or rather, obvious) language we are all speaking. But if it is more, if it is a story about humanity falling away from the community that named it, and an attempt to bring humanity back to that community, and if it is more than a series of ideas, but rather speaks directly into this basic human need we are feeling, then the gospel of Jesus is the most relevant message in the history of mankind."

--Donald Miller//Searching For God Knows What

birthdays, birthdays

"it takes a long time to grow young"

--Pablo Picasso

[why birthdays are awesome]

for one day a year, no matter what, people (your best friends or your second cousin or the random person that you last saw at thursday night karaoke) stop to remember you. they take time out of their days to give hugs and sometimes flowers, to tell funny stories and show you their love.

in the midst of our crazy busy lives and full schedules and complex relationships,

it's nice to be loved.

august 4, 1989: cake love runs deep

on my birthday, it's only fair to celebrate my mommy, who gave birth to me and is really the reason that i can celebrate. and my dad, because i think we all know how pregnancy works. and i would be absolutely ungrateful if i didn't acknowledge the creator of chocolate cake: these last twenty-two years wouldn't have been the same without you.

here's to twenty-two or fourty-four or sixty-six (but probably not eighty-eight, statistically speaking) more!!

[other wonderful people celebrating today]

1. miss elizabeth ashley senna, who is beautiful and wonderful and loves birthdays as much me

2. mr peter hootman

3. mr president (barack obama)

4. probably a billion other people worth noting!

happy birthday, happy wednesday, happy life :)

72 days. here we go.

by the time you are reading this

i have retreated into the land of jobs and birthdays...weddings, graduate school applications, and books to help me "Master The LSAT!" (...the exclamation point does nothing to relieve my fear)

i will retake my place as a functioning member of society in october

(we're celebrating: october 9th, 5 pm, Rose Donuts...want to join??)

i have hopes to come up for air and blogs and birthday cake when the need arises (now, for example)

but if i seem emotionally absent, distant, or a bit frazzled, please forgive me

in the meantime, wish me luck

and pray for my brain

(and my sleep schedule)

and i'm sorry if i'm cranky

via

[this could be me for the next 72 days...

...with the very important exceptions of:

birthdays and weddings all over the place

where i will be all smiles and laughter and joy :)]

summer reading, part two

we are more than half way into summer

class and lsat studying and work have snuck up on me

which, sadly, means less time for books

regardless, here's some more to add to the list...

{completed/suggested summer reading}

9. Zeitoun//Dave Eggers

10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (again)//JK Rowling

11. Catcher in the Rye//JD Salinger

12. The Covenanted Self//Walter Brueggemann

{books in waiting...}

(all recommended...add your recommendations to the collection!)

1. Shantaram//

2. The Pact//Jodi Picoult

3. I Am An Emotional Creature//Eve Ensler

4. East of Eden//John Steinbeck

5-7. HP5-7 (recommended by me...)

to be continued... :)

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?"

--Donald Miller//Through Painted Deserts

branches

i am blessed to be surrounded constantly by incredibly talented musicians

i'd need an infinite amount of fingers to count the sing-a-longs and nights spent listening with closed eyes and open hearts and the way that their music has changed things

so, in honor of music and all these friends (and one friend in particular)

do yourself a favor and check out branches

it's a group of best friends (and lots of hair)

and we, at the not-so-blue-door, have been listening to their songs on repeat

(specifically maps of wars because it's seriously seriously seriously good...)

you can too:

http://www.myspace.com/soundslikebranches

and, in the words of tyler (vocals and guitar and longer hair than me):

"add us as a friend, spread the word, sing along, and if you'll be in LA the first week of September, buy a ticket for our show with Tyrone Wells here"

i'm so glad that things exist that are

mysterious beyond explanation

and beautiful beyond description

sunrise at the grand canyon

(even the rocks cry out)

i'm so glad that i have friends who

laugh a lot

drive a lot

explore a lot

photograph a lot

crave adventure a lot

but don't sleep a lot

roomies hiking in sedona

thank you: mommy, ed, kenny, tay, and julien

this weekend could not have been any more amazing

:)

"It does not come easy to us to imagine that you

closed the womb of mother Hannah

and thereby foreclosed the future for a time.

And yet, we can name in your presence

a myriad of shut-down places around us...

those shut down in poverty and despair,

those shut down in fear and in rage,

those shut down by abuse and violence,

too hurt to speak,

too frightened to appear,

t00 scarred to dance.

And closer, our own shut downs:

in anxiety, in resentment, in pretense,

too weary to care,

too greedy to share,

too much of us for neighbor.

These are not all your doing, we confess.

But you are the God who opens all shut downs:

by your power, you give futures,

by your goodness, you give hope,

by your mercy, you make new.

So we bid you this day come to our shut down places and give birth anew.

We pray through the Easter opening of the Friday shut downs.

Amen."

Walter Brueggemann//Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth

jungle drum

just discovered this song and i'm obsessed

so happy and fun and full of love!

(and what is this jungle dancing theme i've got going on??)

enjoy :)

and happy friday!

day 7: imagine a moment in five (ish) years

blog challenge, day seven and done

"imagine a moment in five (ish) years"

it's the summer of 2015 and there are boxes everywhere. the occasional birthday balloon makes its way down the hallway, left-overs from an epic birthday dinner (twenty seven. holy cow).

{moving day}

{previously mentioned epic birthday party}

i'm moving. getting married then moving. the wedding is in two weeks. we move right after the honeymoon. there are people everywhere helping us pack. my family has been over since morning, organizing closets and disassembling furniture and packing kitchen utensils. my scruffy faced, faintly accented fiance and his entire family are on their way. they're bringing mexican food (veggie tostada??) because it's the first thing i miss when i leave america.

oh, by the way, i'm leaving america. i (FINALLY!!) graduated and mr. scruff and i have been interviewing with international organizations, putting our graduate degrees to good work. i have to leave the cute little house i've dreamed about since 1998 but my passport has been waiting since 2005...

{brick wall, book shelves, cozy couch...yes please}

today, though, is moving day. the house is loud and and hot and full. mr scruff and i are stealing kisses and thanking God for past, present and future and for the ways that families can join and love and create heavenly space. after the sun has gone down, the only thing left in the house is the kitchen table, set with summer linens. we're squeezing in for one last family dinner.

("family" is stretched to include neighbors, friends, friends of friends, teachers, pastor, coworkers, my refugee family, anyone with an empty stomach)

{via}

we're breaking bread (vegan sloppy joes) and showing our love and we're happy :)

*now i will try my hardest not to get attached to this dream story i just came up with. yikes.

day 6: nap attacks

blog challenge, day six

i am always tired

i'm not sure if that's a personality trait or a genetic disorder

but i can always take a nap

regardless of time of day, lighting, time zone, climate

naps chase me (or maybe i chase them?)

and i love them

but i wish i didn't depend on them

to give me enough energy

to get through very full days

with lots of people

and stories

and brain energy

{via}

i didn't take one today

but i thought about it

i'm delirious

and i wish i had

where is your favorite place to nap??

best nap you've ever taken??

my answer:

{ja2010...duh}

day 5: speaking english

blog challenge, day five: speaking english

i think i've always taken for granted the fact that i can hold a pencil and recite the ABCs backwards and forwards (abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz-zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba). i've taken for granted that i know what sound a j makes (jaa-jaa-jump-jingle-jack) and that i can easily tell the difference between a k and an x and that my mom read to me every night before bed; that my dad knew the biggest words and how to spell them (e-q-u-a-n-i-m-i-t-y and l-u-m-i-n-e-s-c-e-n-t) and that i didn't have to learn a new language before understanding my own.

and that is precisely why i'm so incredibly excited to introduce my person/people/conversation from the day. i would love for you to meet my second (or third or fourth or fifth--who's counting at this point??) family. they are Congolese refugees, living in san diego, and i have the pleasure of tutoring them in english. (okay, let's not kid ourselves: it's not always pleasurable...it's usually slow and sometimes frustrating and often feels insignificant...except when Sofia recites every letter of the alphabet and spells her name and learns six new words then giggles at her accomplishment...then it's a pleasure again).

this week, sofia announced that she wanted to learn to read, and three of her kids circled around as we tried her very first words: family, mother, wife, sister, daughter. twenty-six abstract letters that she just could not memorize suddenly became real--she is a mother and a wife and a sister and a daughter. so we cheered and giggled and took three-steps-forward.

bahati asked about the world. countries and continents and what is the equator? he opened his "first encyclopedia" and stared in amazement at a page titled "earth." i had never been more thankful for mr. hinke's fourth grade science class, where i learned about the earth's core and sediment and tectonic plates. and oh my goodness, i wanted bahati to know, too.

we meet again on thursday for tutoring and giggling and dinner.

they really are becoming family. and if they're my family, you should probably know them too :)