i believe

i believe in broken things made beautiful

i believe in re-identification, re-interpretation, re-demption, re-surrection

i believe in second chances and shifting narratives

chords bound tightly and iron sharpening iron

i believe in slow progressions

i believe that death does not have the final say

that the final say belongs to life and love and peace and joy

yes, i believe

decisions, decisions

here i am again, making plans. (yes, it's 5am. yes, it's still dark outside. don't pretend you're not awake doing the same...) i've gone over my checklist for what feels like the thousandth time--contacts and addresses and deadlines for plans A, B, C. before you go on thinking that i'm just a control freak (which i am), let me just say that plans A, B, and C have nothing to do with my fear of being plan-less and everything to do with my

ridiculous, consistent, ever-present inability to make a decision.

for example:

last weekend, i made my server choose which beer i would be drinking with my pizza

(in my defense, my knowledge of "good beer" is incredibly limited)

(unfortunately, she chose wrong)

last night, i made my server decide between veggie spring rolls or a veggie tempura sushi roll

(in my defense, i had sushi for the first time six months ago...i'm still learning)

(fortunately, her opinion was awesome)

if i can't even decide on basic food and drink, i'm sure you can understand how dating (choosing someone to share your entire life with!) would be difficult and how choosing the direction of that entire life would be close to impossible. (but i mean, really, why can't they just combine three graduate programs and charge me 1/3 of the price?!)

currently: looking for grace in my decision-making process...

in christ alone

"In Jesus Christ we see virtues combined that never anywhere else are combined. We see tenderness without weakness, strength without a milligram of harshness, humility without an ounce of uncertainty; you see unbending convictions and yet complete and utter approachability, you see power without the slightest insensitivity. You see passion without the slightest prejudice. You see total integrity without any rigidity. Never unthinking, never a false word, never a misstep. What is that? Absolute beauty."

--John Gerstner

"you could really mess it up...

...or you could have the one thing you've wanted since you were fifteen..."

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

COME ON!!!

He who named me

i think often of the ways that a name can be spoken, how it can roll off lips with such sweetness, or (to steal from a branches song), it can be breathed like a love song. how a name can hold so much affection, how when you say my name, kara lee, i feel known. and that feels good.

my name always felt weird though, like it got stuck in your mouth and came out jumbled, harsh, too boxy. i was afraid that i would be jumbled, harsh, boxy too. i thought about it often--how i hated it because it didn't feel feminine or meaningful, how i was frustrated with every mispronunciation, how i planned to change it as soon as i turned eighteen.

i'm glad that i didn't.

because what a cool thing that we have names; names that we take for granted, names that identify us and place us in our families and in our context and anchor us to our humanity, names that make us unique and set us apart, names that make us distinct from our 5,999,999,999 neighbors

and isn't that exactly what we want?

to be called by name, defined, affirmed and find meaning

in our identity

in our relationships

in our faith

in our purpose

by Someone who knows exactly what we need

kara (kah-ra): beloved friend

"...if the gospel of Jesus is just some formula I obey in order to get taken off the naughty list and put on a nice list, then it doesn't meet the deep need of the human condition, it doesn't interact with the great desire of my soul, and it has nothing to do with the hidden (or rather, obvious) language we are all speaking. But if it is more, if it is a story about humanity falling away from the community that named it, and an attempt to bring humanity back to that community, and if it is more than a series of ideas, but rather speaks directly into this basic human need we are feeling, then the gospel of Jesus is the most relevant message in the history of mankind."

--Donald Miller//Searching For God Knows What

birthdays, birthdays

"it takes a long time to grow young"

--Pablo Picasso

[why birthdays are awesome]

for one day a year, no matter what, people (your best friends or your second cousin or the random person that you last saw at thursday night karaoke) stop to remember you. they take time out of their days to give hugs and sometimes flowers, to tell funny stories and show you their love.

in the midst of our crazy busy lives and full schedules and complex relationships,

it's nice to be loved.

august 4, 1989: cake love runs deep

on my birthday, it's only fair to celebrate my mommy, who gave birth to me and is really the reason that i can celebrate. and my dad, because i think we all know how pregnancy works. and i would be absolutely ungrateful if i didn't acknowledge the creator of chocolate cake: these last twenty-two years wouldn't have been the same without you.

here's to twenty-two or fourty-four or sixty-six (but probably not eighty-eight, statistically speaking) more!!

[other wonderful people celebrating today]

1. miss elizabeth ashley senna, who is beautiful and wonderful and loves birthdays as much me

2. mr peter hootman

3. mr president (barack obama)

4. probably a billion other people worth noting!

happy birthday, happy wednesday, happy life :)

72 days. here we go.

by the time you are reading this

i have retreated into the land of jobs and birthdays...weddings, graduate school applications, and books to help me "Master The LSAT!" (...the exclamation point does nothing to relieve my fear)

i will retake my place as a functioning member of society in october

(we're celebrating: october 9th, 5 pm, Rose Donuts...want to join??)

i have hopes to come up for air and blogs and birthday cake when the need arises (now, for example)

but if i seem emotionally absent, distant, or a bit frazzled, please forgive me

in the meantime, wish me luck

and pray for my brain

(and my sleep schedule)

and i'm sorry if i'm cranky

via

[this could be me for the next 72 days...

...with the very important exceptions of:

birthdays and weddings all over the place

where i will be all smiles and laughter and joy :)]

summer reading, part two

we are more than half way into summer

class and lsat studying and work have snuck up on me

which, sadly, means less time for books

regardless, here's some more to add to the list...

{completed/suggested summer reading}

9. Zeitoun//Dave Eggers

10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (again)//JK Rowling

11. Catcher in the Rye//JD Salinger

12. The Covenanted Self//Walter Brueggemann

{books in waiting...}

(all recommended...add your recommendations to the collection!)

1. Shantaram//

2. The Pact//Jodi Picoult

3. I Am An Emotional Creature//Eve Ensler

4. East of Eden//John Steinbeck

5-7. HP5-7 (recommended by me...)

to be continued... :)