things that are getting me through finals week

1. yann tiersen

2. stories told in one sentence

"We were pen pals who lived 1951 miles apart, got the chance to meet in a different state, paddled backwards in a kayak, jumped off a bridge, and fell in love."

"I would have never have met my true love if it weren't for my sudden desire to plant turnips."

3. finding inspiration for my new home:




4. my amazon wishlist

forgotten girls: stories of hope and courage
the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime
faith beyond despair: building hope in the holy land
storyteller's daughter

5. www.weheartit.com


6. my countdown to urbana: 10 days

7. my countdown to jamaica: 25 days

and, oh ya...studying...

p.s. this is obviously a successful attempt at procrastination...

like dust.

i will compare myself to dust, the earth from which i came
from which i came, to where i will return
to dust, as i am now

out of the dust i rose, with one breath
and i will float and twist and flutter and turn with the very wind from Your lips
and i will stick to the dew in the air and gather in the soles of your shoes
i will travel miles with you in the folds of your cloak or the cracks of your skin
until the water comes to cleanse
rinsing me down pipes of cold steel

but i am dust
will be like dust
refusing to settle

i will return to the ground, pressed into the earth
to rise again
with a great breeze and a mighty whisper

and i will go up
up up up
up up up up up

you will see me in rays of light piercing through darkness
moved by a melody in the air, a song
the closing of doors and the shuffling of people passing by
i will dance in response



shield me from all elements and i will rest
there is only one place that would suffice

i would like to collect atop your treasure trove
holding ancient artifacts
cassette tapes and notes written in hopeful expectation
and here i will settle
on nothing less than who you were and are and will be
i will make my home in the crevices, packed in corners
clinging to every relic

close your eyes and pick out one toy, one photo, one memory
and there i will be
now i too belong to you

how do you know if you're being too picky?
or if you're about to settle?

and also, i'm pretty sure that john mayer used a time machine to fast-forward to today, climb inside my brain and write his new album.

listen to: "half of my heart" and "friends, lovers or nothing"

home

i'm so happy to be here
after so so long
the lights are off
and everybody is asleep

but i just danced in the kitchen :)

on why i can't wait to graduate.

i'm finding it difficult to feign interest in the words that you scribble on the whiteboard as i force myself to copy your words exactly into my notebook (that i have chosen to fill with doodle after doodle--complex representations of what i wish i were doing instead)

i am a perpetual student with a mind longing for knowledge but i do not fit inside your classroom or your A B C D view of my potential

so give me an A or fail me
i'm learning more than you'll ever know
i have dreams to learn more than you'll ever know
i will let the world be my classroom
i will wander through streets and collect wisdom from the stories they tell and the life that they offer

i will chose my own textbooks and write my own philosophy and challenge structures of oppression with my life, not just my pen

i have outgrown this silly system of quizzes and midterms and finals to test what i know
or what you want me to know
call me a vagabond
i will take it and run

i want to pack everything into boxes, sell half of it, and store the rest away for safekeeping
to leave san diego and california and the united states and become a settler in a new land
long, dark hair and skinny arms
i want to stockpile headbands and a v-neck for every day of the week

i want to sleep in a tent and wake up with the sun
to escape the trappings of materialism
to find comfort in my discomfort and peace in my unrest
i want to fall in love and feel beautiful when i laugh

i want people to stop over-compensating out of their own guilt and i want to tell you how i really feel
i want to sit at my piano and play for my ears only
to find the perfect-fit jeans and wear them until the threads unravel
i want Aslan, and i want to be like lucy

how about you?

i keep having to stop myself from posting things that sound more like complaining than anything else. i'm being whiney today and i need to knock it off.

i keep hoping to run into the perfect person for the perfect hug amidst my exhaustion and stress. it's like playing where's waldo, and i'm losing.

i really just want to snuggle.
and journal.
and sleep.

p.s. i feel nervous to actually post anything because i have 18 followers and i don't want to let anybody down. yikes. 18 is a lot of pressure. also, i've been daily running out of time and am anxiously waiting for thursday, when i can sleep and write and dream again. :)

stop.

STOP!

stop.

stop with your prodigious words
and the eloquent manner in which you speak.

stop with your volumes of theology
your "thou"s, and your "the Lord sayeth unto me"s
your elementary answers to complex questions
that do nothing but frustrate my faith

who are you trying to convince?
i want to stuff my ears with a billion cotton balls when you start to speak
i want to count your words then politely ask you to divide it in half.

i've had enough.

stop, stop, stop.

sit in silence,
and just whisper to Him
oh, how i need You.


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*I'm trying to learn to pray simply.