ruah YHWH

my christian marriage class is waaaaay better than i expected
which is odd, because i'm currently ambivalent about whether i even want to get married
which is more odd, i'm aware, given who i am, and how much i used to talk about/think about/plan my wedding and think about marriage and dream about a boy who would be my husband
but, right now, ambivalence
maybe it will pass, maybe not
either way, i'm okay with it

i'm okay with devoting my life to a quest of knowledge about Jesus

this theology class makes me think about Him in all sorts of new ways
my professor is so passionate about who He is
and uses the most beautiful syntax
that even if i didn't already love Jesus
his words would peak my interest
and lure my heart towards Him

i scribble down phrases in my notebook, verbatim
to look at and dwell on later
because what he says is true and beautiful
sometimes it brings tears to my eyes
in the middle of class
and that's embarrassing
so i avert my gaze
and i feel like i'm the only one who cares
and it's so much more than a GE requirement
and i want everybody to love what he says like i do

this class is changing me

today, he talked about being lovingly possessed by Christ
and my heartbeat quickened
because i've been thinking about this all week
and i felt like the two of us were in on a mystery that others had yet to discover
about all-things ruah
Ruah YHWH: breathe of God, mighty wind, Spirit of God

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

and about my SPIRIT (life and vitality)
ruah: as if a supernatural force is taking possession of my spirit

i've been bouncing back and forth between genesis and mark
old testament and new testament
trying to understand what ruah means
and what authority God has over the Spirit of man
mind, body, soul

OT: we were loved into existence
the Spirit of God created all things, all things are under His control
NT: Jesus is God's self-revelation; the Spirit of God descended on Jesus like a dove; the Spirit of God lovingly possessed Jesus Christ

then there is a bunch of stuff about the Trinity
an encounter with the three-in-one
another mystery that i have yet to fully unearth
Father, Son, Holy Spirit=ONE
so the Spirit in Jesus is God, and Jesus is God, and the Spirit is of God and is God
and i think my brain is going to explode
the Trinity is way beyond the reaches of my mind
maybe eventually?

but what i do understand is
Jesus, taking possession of my spirit
allowing me to share in the same nature as Christ
and that the purpose of life is a constant stretching of our capacity to know God
God is present in every moment, at every place
and the goal, our job, our life depends on our response to His presence
----------------------------
other news:
i just got tricked into buying girl scout cookies.
i tried the "i don't have any cash" trick, but was quickly informed that they take checks.
crap. so now I have a box of samoas, which really isn't the worst thing that could happen.
and my hair is almost long enough for a ponytail. ptl.