what's in store

I have this list, and it keeps growing. Mostly it grows at night, when I can't sleep. As I lie awake thinking, my mind, and my heart think up dreams I never knew I actually had, and suddenly, they become a priority. So I have this list, and I’m convinced that it’s not just for fun, but this list is a necessity for my life.

It's a list of "I wants..." I don't know if they'll ever be fulfilled, but they're fun to think about, and hope for as I try to figure out what I'm actually going to do with my life...

write a book I really like books. I'm convinced that I'll use every last dime that I have at Barnes & Noble. About a month ago, this one popped into my head. Ever since I could read, I've loved it, but I'd never dreamed of writing, until one day, I just wanted to...I have no idea where it came from and I have no topic in mind, just this desire…

own my own bookstore I already have all the plans drawn up in my head. It will be a bookstore/coffee shop with big lush couches that you sink into, curl up with a cup of tea and a blanket and lose yourself in a book. It will have beautiful bookshelves with ladders like in "Beauty and the Beast" and only the best books--new and used; it will have book clubs and meeting places, live music and art...maybe even art shows. And, in my imagination, it has brick walls...I don't know why, it just does. I know I have a lot of friends that don't necessarily like to read, but it's okay, you're invited too.

write a song my friends do this all the time and make it look so easy, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet. Maybe eventually.

fall in love and I want to remember every single detail from the first awkward moments to the cute things that are ridiculous to remember, but that I've absolutely freaked out about. Maybe this is too girly, or too old fashioned, but I want to be pursued; I want to scrapbook about it and write letters and get really excited about things that are so trivial, but so fun.

get a new last name shocking, I know…I want to be married.

get married well, yes, there’s a difference. I want to be married, but I also want to get married…I want to have the tents and the lanterns; it has to be outdoors, in the countryside or on top of some beautiful rolling hills. I can't give away too many details because I'm actually afraid that somebody will steal my ideas...

learn I want to major and minor in a billion things because I can't make up my mind. I don't want people to ask me what my plans are because, to be completely honest, I don't have any. I'm learning to embrace the uncertainty...I just want to keep learning...

teach I want to Teach for America. Or I want to Teach for any country, really.

babies I want to take care of babies. I want to go abroad with no return ticket; I want to love people. And I don't know what that means, but in my mind, it means hugs and laughter and holding babies and talking with young girls, and reminding people of their inherent worth and dignity.

find adventures I want to be adventurous, all the time. I want to stay up late and get up early, and learn to not be tired. I want to go sailing, and scuba diving, kayaking and river rafting, rock climbing and skydiving. I never want my life to be mundane--I want it to be spontaneous and ridiculous. I want to go whale watching and backpacking; I want to go to the opera, learn how to cook, take salsa lessons, make art, create stuff, explore different cultures and experience every facet of life.

I just want to live the best life that I can and I think that the ever-growing list is helping me get there.