tonight

tonight, five of us sat around a table in the slp
we ate food and studied scripture
and i realized, for maybe the first time, how necessary my people are

i basically exploded on them
i wasn't angry
well, not at them, at least

i exploded frustrations and struggles that i've been having
with my faith, God, religion, with Christians, and ultimately, with myself
questions about the inerrency of the bible,
about the bible as a cultural document
about "self," and convenience and comfort
the character of God, and my own character
whether i trust Him, or love Him enough, whether i believe enough

i exploded, and i needed to explode
i needed to explode with people who engaged me
who didn't try to force feed me formulaic answers
or dismiss my questions as weakness

i needed that conversation
and that passage
and those people

i needed tonight