time

sometimes i wonder if time exists
not in heaven
but on earth

i mean, obviously it exists
my clock tells me that it is 7:49 am and i believe it
when i look out my window, what i see tells me that i have not been deceived
it's quiet, still
and the early morning clouds are passing overhead
tinting everything grey

in ten minutes, it will be 7:59 am
which i believe because i see the clouds strolling onward towards the sea
and i know that movement indicates passage, and passage indicates time
ten minutes of time has passed
(and that i'm up too early)

we have this constant pressure backing us into corners
and giving us minor panic attacks (just me?)
there's not enough time
or
time is moving too fast

and i wish we could tilt the hour glass
so that the sands would stay still
but my life is just one tiny grain
jumbled together with millions of other's moments
other lives that have already passed
lives that will follow my own
and what feels like forever to me
is just one blink in the eye of eternity

so what is the point of time?
time allows for order
allows for story
and progress
and history
and thought

also: deja vu

what if deja vu exists because time, from beginning to end, alpha to omega, is already complete?
nothing can be added or taken away because it is already finished
and our minds are wrapped around this, eternity
and pieces of the future, which have already happened, escape and find refuge in our minds
and so if it feels like we've been there, seen this, heard that before
it's because we have, because time is complete, and we are moving along this linear path
but sometimes we get ahead of ourselves, and we can because the future is the future to us, but not to Time
time, and YHWH, are not limited by "past, present, future"
not linear, but wholly surrounding

and i need breakfast

(yes, these are the things i spend my time (haha) thinking about...)