home

home [hohm]

-noun
1. the place in which one's domestic attentions are centered
2. a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.
3. any place of residence or refuge

-adverb
1. deep; to the heart

2. to the mark or point aimed at

what a home should be: stories, memories, places, available, ready, tangible, real, comfortable, challenging, encouraging, cozy, loud, funny, open, stuffed with love, portable, big, kind, forgiving, full, light, delightful, colorful, mine

i have a sudden urge to pack everything up and move to portland, to seattle, to boston but to never leave this place, even when my friends have sent their boxes to nebraska and africa and colorado and nicaragua and the very ends of the earth. i have spent four years building this place from the very ground all the way to the sky. i built other homes too, to shelter my heart wherever it goes, and it feels all too unnatural to begin pulling nails from support beams and fill holes with stucco and cover walls with primer to create a new canvas, a blank slate, for ages 22-25 and it feels all too unnatural to cram too many people and stories and memories into one little room when what i need is an open field, with wild flowers, stacks of pillows and an eternal nightlight.

i wonder if life is constant building and rebuilding of homes, shelter for your heart, for the place that you're at at one exact moment in time until time reaches its destination and starts again and you bring the home that you've packed and folded and carried with you to a new place, to start again

what my next home should be: strong, full of adopted babies and dreams and accomplishments, perfected imperfections, rest, exploration, adventure, leisure books, cookbooks, notebooks, bravery, new, stories, memories, comfortable, encouraging, delightful, forgiving, mine.