catastrophe and the cure

I'm sitting on the couch right now. In my headphones, Explosions in the Sky is playing. Inside, It All Feels The Same.

I have this Garden State-esque feeling, the one where Zach Braff's character is sitting in the plane, with mass chaos surrounding him, as his world crashes down around him, and he just sits, numb, immobile. Except I don't feel numb, and I don't feel immobile. But I'm sitting on this couch and I feel as if it's just me and this song, which, by now, has changed. Home.

These songs are so mellow, I'm surprised it doesn't put me to sleep. But it never does. It never has, and probably never will. There's something in these songs--they excite me, they motivate me, they make me want to do something. It's like, when I picture my life, this is the soundtrack.

At first, it's just the guitar, some light picking. Then, strings. I have no idea how they do it, what instruments they're actually using...With no real pattern, except they are there, it's beautiful, and here I am, thinking about my life, thinking that this song completely describes how I'm feeling at this moment, except with no words, just the guitar, the bass, and a few strings.

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but my heart starts to go....it's beating fast, I swear, the whole couch is shaking because my heart is beating so hard. It's beating, and pumping blood, and it is exactly in tune with this song. It's beating along with the guitar and the strings and the wordless melody is playing in my head. And I'm thinking, this song doesn't need words because it's the soundtrack to my life. Every part of my life.

This song is when I'm bursting with passion, exploding with excitement, ready to face anything. I want to get up and run, or dance, or sing, or just go.
This song must be what it's like to fall in love.
This song is when I feel so close to God.
This song is pain; this song is insecurity; this song is fear.
This song is joy; this song is trust; this song is taking the next step.
This song is when I'm exhausted, ready to collapse, ready to give up.
This song is peace.

This song is my life. And it doesn't need words, because somehow all the parts come together, all the instruments join together, and it speaks for itself.