day 3: a loud life

blog challenge, day three (on time, with 3 minutes to spare):

"I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt in myself a superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life."

--Leo Tolstoy//Family Happiness

(Taken from Into the Wild)

me too.

i'm not sure exactly what to trace this insatiable desire for movement back to

even the friction that comes with movement

the tension of reality between two moving (and idealistic) parts

everything has always been possible to me

not easy, but at least accessible

ask me how guilty i've felt about that and you'll get an earful (or, an eyeful, in blogging land)

and a recap of years worth of traveling and bible studies and africa and jamaica and a sociology degree and a holy awareness of my place and my (frustrating, necessary, just, unjust, impossible) responsibility to not just exist

or, maybe it's genetic, maybe it skips a generation

like grandmother, like daughter

i want to learn a new language

and push against my own passivity

i want to do things that are difficult and frustrating for me, like teach english to a Congolese refugee family or change my diet/spending habits or try a new culture

and squeeze outside of the four white walls of a plain and predictable life

i want my life to be loud. mr tolstoy does too.

we're becoming fast friends.