it's been awhile

i know, i know...
it's just that it was pre-finals adventures
then the horror of finals themselves
then home, with friends and sunshine and books
and my thoughts keep coming
but there seems to be a disconnect between my brain and my fingers
and well, writing just hasn't been happening...

it's summer :)
i was not sure how i would feel about this long expanse of time
away from the home that has created itself around me
in a billion different places with a billion different people
i wasn't sure how my anxiety would handle the transition
or that i could stand without my support system

but i'm home, and the support i have here is different,
but just as strong, and just as good
i've been home for a week and in three hours, i'll arrive at SFO to begin my summer adventure
jamaica
JAMAICA!!!! :) :) :)
what?!?
...i'm going there...
it's 2 am right now, and i'm not sleeping tonight because i have to leave my house at 3:30 am and that's hardly enough time to finish all of my last minute things AND sleep
so sleep: i'll see you again in a few hours

there's a billion things i want to write about
all the books that have filled the last few weeks (secret garden, peter pan, love walked in, little bee, extremely loud and incredibly close, and more to come...)
these books make me want to experience the joys of life in a completely new way
to recognize the little parts of life, the seemingly insignificant but incredibly beautiful things that are swirling around me
to let each moment of my life belong to me

and i want to write about this transition--leaving my home to come home
and everything that entails
the fact that i'm a senior in college and holy crap, that is scary
i want to write about this song that has explained my life for the last three months
and it was my anchor in the hard times, and now, we've passed into something so beautiful
and it means something different altogether
i want to write about jamaica and murals and end of the year celebrations
weddings and grandparents and puzzles and vegetarianism

i want to write about it all
but there is no time
it's 2 am and my brain is shut down
my eyes are barely staying open...
i am awake for the sake of being awake

i will write more, soon
(but not that soon...because i'll be out of the country for 3 weeks...scribbling stories and every little detail of my trip into my journal so that it can all explode out of my brain and onto some other medium as soon as i return)

jamaica, here i come :)